I want to echo what Melissa said last night about the “what if’s” and the “could have’s”
If only I could have held Kathryn’s hand everyday and sang to her,
If only I could have been by her bedside when she couldn’t sleep
If only I could have been there give her a tummy rub everyday when she felt the cold and the pain …..
But our dear Kathryn would not have it…she always thought of others first….
The night that Elaine and I took care of her, both of use dared not sleep…we just kept looking at her to see if she was comfortable; she was restless that night. So after the night nurse had changed her position, I asked if she would like to hear some worship music. She nodded and as I placed the earphone in her ears, she became still and, weak as she was, she started to raise her hands and tapped her fingers. That first song went like this:
More than any treasure my hands could hold
More than any dream come true
More than all the pleasure this world could give
One thing I will pursue
More than all the honours sought by man
More than any great reward
More than all the wisdom of ages past
One thing I will seek for
Chorus:
A heart for you
A thirst for you
To quench my soul
Like morning dew
To seek your face
Your holy place
O Lord create in me
A heart for you.
She managed to listen till the end of the whole album of worship songs before she fell asleep.
She was a worshipper….she brought to reality what many songs refrained – she worshiped God with every breath she had, until her last breath.
I believe that towards the end Kathryn was torn between staying to be with her lovely husband and children and leaving to be with her Jesus, the King of kings, the Rock of all ages, Who is able to quench her soul and take away her pain. It must have been very hard –
Mark – a wonderfully patient and loving husband,
Melissa – sweet and tender-hearted Melissa, holding mommy’s hands till the end
Pammy – spunky Pammy, pharmacist Pammy, always knowing the meds that mommy needed.
And Darren – strong Darren who carried mommy down the stairs when she was too frail to walk.
I asked God, “What did we do or not do? What could we have done and not done?” The answer came – God is sovereign…. Trust Him.
The morning she drew her last breath, I was awakened, as I have been many nights before, to pray for her. Heal her Lord, breathe in her new life, new strength…..Some nights I would just freeze in fear…is Kathryn gone?
There are many things we will not understand until we reach heaven and see our Jesus face to face.
Till then, I will always be inspired by Kathryn’s passion and love for people; she was always concerned about their eternal fate. Whatever she did, she did it with eternity in mind.
• She would make it a point to visit and pray for the sick, especially the terminally ill, even though she was going through her own battle with cancer.
• She would pray for those who needed to know Christ.
• She would remember our birthdays and would make wonderful cheesecakes to celebrate with our families.
• She would cook up a feast and invite new people to this lovely home to welcome them into our fellowship.
• She would text us encouraging messages to cheer us on.
• She seemed to have a spiritual thermometer that could detect our highs and lows.
Dear dear Kathryn, we will miss you, a great and wonderful friend.
A selfless and great great woman of faith and an excellent woman who is always gazing at Jesus. Even when the pain was unbearable, you managed a smile. Even when every muscle ached, you lifted your hand to worship Jesus. Whenever I led worship in church, I would look out for her in the sanctuary as her lifted hands would cheer me on into a deeper level of worship. She could worship with any song – fast, slow, difficult, noisy, any beat. It was her heart that inspired her, not the circumstances. She was every worship leader’s inspiration.
Dear Kathryn, now that you are gazing at the Finisher of your faith, your faith has indeed become reality. Painful as it is to let you go, who can let you go, we know you are with the excellent Author of your faith, Who has made you complete, and now enjoying the rich and indescribable joys of your new home.
As we bid you farewell, remember that our hearts still have little rooms filled with your love for us and full of sweet memories of our time together. Though you are not here in person, you are very much alive in our hearts.
Bye for now, sweet Kathryn … till we meet again….
(Margaret and her husband Kang Hoe have been close friends of Mark and Kathryn for a long time. She is the worship leader at Glad Tidings Assembly, Klang where both Mark and Kathryn worship in)
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