Can you think of the times when our prayers don't seem to get answered? I can think of several.
Not necessarily the prayers for someone's detriment (although to be honest there are times when our prayers are not quite charitable) but sometimes even the prayers for someone's good. Like when we pray for healing for someone but healing doesn't come. Like when we pray for someone to be blessed but somehow they are still struggling for a long time after that.
Yes, we may pray that God will remove those who are evil from positions of authority, we pray that our adversaries would be removed from us. Or like Paul, we pray for God to take away some thorn in the flesh. Somehow the wicked seems to prosper even more and goes unpunished. The righteous continue to suffer instead despite our fervent prayers. And by the way, the thorn will still be there when we wake up each morning.
Could it be that at these times our prayers may just have come face to face with the sovereignty of God? Job's cries for understanding also comes to a head when he stares at the sovereignty of God. God is just too big to be understood. Sometimes God's sovereignty is like that. We can just never understand it no matter how hard we try. We just have to come to a place of acceptance.
Acceptance is always painful when in the sovereignty of God, the outcome of our prayers is not to our desires or expectations. We are left disappointed, a bit angry at times. We realise that God's answer to our cries can take many forms. Not all to our liking some times. Somehow, we come to learn and accept that His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither His ways our ways because the heavens will always be higher than the earth and so His thoughts and ways higher than ours. It still hurts nonetheless.
It is then we realise that our prayers are not about pushing God in a corner or forcing His hand. It is about the surrender of our will and our heart to His infinite wisdom and plans. Abraham's altar still speaks to us today about that. So do the stories of some of the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11.
26 October 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Grief of David
I am reminded of two scenes of grief - both expressed by the psalmist David, the man after God's own heart.
The first was at the death of his infant son with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12:15-23). David pleaded with God for the child, fasted and wept before the Lord. Despite all that, the child died. Before the child died, David said, 'who can tell me whether the Lord will be gracious to me that the child might live?
We are aware that cancer is a deadly disease. Despite that we continued to pray and seek the Lord for healing and hoped against hope like Abraham did. For who knows whether the Lord might be merciful? Yet when the outcome is to the contrary, as painful as it is, we must pick ourselves up and move on like David did.
I suppose David spoke for all of us when he said this after the child had died, 'can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me'.
The second scene was when he heard that his adult son Absalom had died. (2 Samuel 18:33, 19:1-4). He was overcome with emotion and grief when he cried, 'O my son Absalom - if only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son, my son!'. The pain that he felt in his heart was like as if he could have died in Absalom's place.
The day of victory in battle that day became a day of mourning as the king grieved over the death of his son.
No matter what victories and blessings that follow us in the days to come ('surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life') our joys will always be tempered by the grief of this loss. It has been a few months now but just the thought of Kathryn always brings a tear.
What can I say but that David really expressed what goes on in our hearts and our minds over our loss at this time when he was grieving over the loss of his sons on these two occasions.
23 October 2010
The first was at the death of his infant son with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12:15-23). David pleaded with God for the child, fasted and wept before the Lord. Despite all that, the child died. Before the child died, David said, 'who can tell me whether the Lord will be gracious to me that the child might live?
We are aware that cancer is a deadly disease. Despite that we continued to pray and seek the Lord for healing and hoped against hope like Abraham did. For who knows whether the Lord might be merciful? Yet when the outcome is to the contrary, as painful as it is, we must pick ourselves up and move on like David did.
I suppose David spoke for all of us when he said this after the child had died, 'can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me'.
The second scene was when he heard that his adult son Absalom had died. (2 Samuel 18:33, 19:1-4). He was overcome with emotion and grief when he cried, 'O my son Absalom - if only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son, my son!'. The pain that he felt in his heart was like as if he could have died in Absalom's place.
The day of victory in battle that day became a day of mourning as the king grieved over the death of his son.
No matter what victories and blessings that follow us in the days to come ('surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life') our joys will always be tempered by the grief of this loss. It has been a few months now but just the thought of Kathryn always brings a tear.
What can I say but that David really expressed what goes on in our hearts and our minds over our loss at this time when he was grieving over the loss of his sons on these two occasions.
23 October 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
When Zero has a Value
The Arabic numbering system starts with a zero and ends with a 9. We can't imagine how our modern day numbering system which is based on the Arabic system would be without the zero. The tens, hundreds, thousands and millions are described as having a certain number of zeros behind. We think of zero having no value but essentially it is an inportant part of the numbering system and a matter of fact that cannot be ignored.
God created the universe out of nothing but only used his spoken word. 'Nothing' was something to God.
We attended a seminar for grieving persons in Kuala Lumpur yesterday. One of the things that struck me was an illustration given in the seminar in the form of a picture of a tall and huge but narrow looking hotel built in the typhoon prone area of Hong Kong overlooking the Repulse Bay. When viewed sideways the hotel looked like a thin card standing precariously on its edge and could easily be blown over by a strong gust of wind. The whole hotel looked one room deep.
The unique feature about this hotel was the presence of a void in the centre of the structure that allowed the passage of strong winds through the structure. This prevented the build up of structural stress during typhoons that could lead to the collapse of the building. Any attempt to close up the void would potentially cause the hotel to collapse. That 'zero' part of the structure became a very important and valuable part of the building's defence against typhoons.
The illustration pointed out that the loss of our loved ones would often leave a void in our lives that would always remain a part of us. Any attempt to fill out the void with activity and other things can cause undue stress. We can build around the void but not entirely close it. The empty void becomes an important and inseparable part of our life.
I have come to appreciate that this void or emptiness that we feel now will always be the place where memories of past experiences will be. We can't replace it with activities or attempt to cover it up. The void in us where Kathryn had been is legacy that will remain a part of us. God treasures and values that void and so must we.
17 October 2010
God created the universe out of nothing but only used his spoken word. 'Nothing' was something to God.
We attended a seminar for grieving persons in Kuala Lumpur yesterday. One of the things that struck me was an illustration given in the seminar in the form of a picture of a tall and huge but narrow looking hotel built in the typhoon prone area of Hong Kong overlooking the Repulse Bay. When viewed sideways the hotel looked like a thin card standing precariously on its edge and could easily be blown over by a strong gust of wind. The whole hotel looked one room deep.
The unique feature about this hotel was the presence of a void in the centre of the structure that allowed the passage of strong winds through the structure. This prevented the build up of structural stress during typhoons that could lead to the collapse of the building. Any attempt to close up the void would potentially cause the hotel to collapse. That 'zero' part of the structure became a very important and valuable part of the building's defence against typhoons.
The illustration pointed out that the loss of our loved ones would often leave a void in our lives that would always remain a part of us. Any attempt to fill out the void with activity and other things can cause undue stress. We can build around the void but not entirely close it. The empty void becomes an important and inseparable part of our life.
I have come to appreciate that this void or emptiness that we feel now will always be the place where memories of past experiences will be. We can't replace it with activities or attempt to cover it up. The void in us where Kathryn had been is legacy that will remain a part of us. God treasures and values that void and so must we.
17 October 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Turning Back the Time
TURNING BACK THE TIME
If we could have but one chance
Could we would turn back the pages of time
To where we were and live it all again?
And perhaps....could it have been different?
We embrace the good and rewrite the bad?......
The time when you walked into my life
Young as we were
Life was full of hope and aspirations
Our youthful eyes met
And the rest is history.
The time when we walked down the aisle
Our families and friends beaming
Life was full of love and energy
We were ready to take on the world,
And indeed we did.
The time when we had our first born
She came to us as a bundle of joy
Life was full of joy and purpose
An awesome feeling of parenthood,
The responsibility that came with it
The time when you quit your job
You could have made your millions
Life was never happier, never more fulfilling
To exchange a lifelong career
For the rewarding role of full-time home maker
The time when I had problems at work
You were there praying
Life was a struggle but we persevered
We became better not bitter
Stronger and yet humbler
The time when you were first afflicted with illness
You remained faithful and prayerful
Life had its share of unanswered questions
But you showed that out of trials
Came forth patience and fortitude
The time when you did your treatment
Would it be different now if we had done things differently?
Life was always full of difficult decisions
We did what we could
The rest was in God's hands.
The time when we had to say good-bye
Torn between holding on and releasing you, it pained us so
Life is always full of mysteries
Yet we live it with a yielded heart
To our eternal God and Creator
Mark Teh
9 October 2010
(poem read at the Anniversary Dinner)
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Remembering 25 Years
09 October 2010
Dinner with Subang Cell members
This dinner is to remember and ‘celebrate’ our 25th Wedding Anniversary and to appreciate all of our cell members and close friends. Thank you for standing with our family the last few months. They have not been easy months for us and I'm sure most of you would feel the same way.
Kathryn and I have had 25 wonderful years of marriage for which we are thankful. Along with the passage of those years are treasures of memories that will always remain with us. We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. We were not poor neither are we rich but we’ve always had enough. We are also blessed to have made many friends over these years.
We have enjoyed the times spent together as we remember all the trips we have made together with our home cell. All the dinners and parties on special occasions. We are always blessed by the bond of friendship in the cell and other close friends that we have.
Lee Kuan Yew said at the recent passing of his wife of 63 years, '... At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief'. It is one statement that I can now absolutely identify with and understand.
The grief in the loss of a spouse is unimaginable. There is hardly a waking moment that you do not think about her. You can be talking and doing things and even laughing like normal on the outside but on the inside you would be thinking about her and along with those thoughts comes a crushing feeling and a lump in the throat as you try to contain tears. Sleep seems to be the only reprieve from the pain of grief.
It is common for most people to think that all will be alright after a few months. Not so. It is the permanence of the loss that is most devastating. Only to be alleviated somewhat by the hope of one day being reunited together again. The feeling is like having fallen into a deep ravine, you have been badly hurt as you try to slowly climb out, it takes time. Time will heal? Hopefully, but necessarily so. Perhaps it is what we do during that time that hopefully might help.
You can talk about it. Maybe that will help. But to whom? The crowds thin out after the show is over. Everyone have their own lives to live. Usually after some time, most people tend to forget that you are still grieving. The crowds leave, but the grief stays with you.
Grieving is a lonely journey. Having friends being around is always helpful not only in lending practical assistance but also in offering emotional support. Because grieving is all about emotions.
I will never have the joy of growing old together with her. It was something we both looked forward to and talked about including the things that we would do.
The past few months have been filled with weeping and crying. I find time to weep by myself when I am driving, when I sit in moments of reflection.
I have asked God, ‘Why did you have to take her away? The past years of taking care of her including the last 6 months of her life were not burdensome to me. I did not complain. I did my best and would have continued to do so’. I guess the answer may come only when we meet Him face to face. But by then it won’t matter anyway.
I was looking over a video playback of the 50th Birthday celebration two years ago. It was one of the best highlights of the final years she was with us. It was a great effort by the cell in organising it for us along with other events we've had together as a cell. The smile of surprise on her face and all her other expressions remind me of the things and qualities that endeared her to me. She was the best gift that I ever had.
Friends, difficult as it is, it's time to celebrate and not to cry. It's time to celebrate the good times and memories that we have had and what Kathryn has left with us.
Mark Teh
Dinner with Subang Cell members
This dinner is to remember and ‘celebrate’ our 25th Wedding Anniversary and to appreciate all of our cell members and close friends. Thank you for standing with our family the last few months. They have not been easy months for us and I'm sure most of you would feel the same way.
Kathryn and I have had 25 wonderful years of marriage for which we are thankful. Along with the passage of those years are treasures of memories that will always remain with us. We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. We were not poor neither are we rich but we’ve always had enough. We are also blessed to have made many friends over these years.
We have enjoyed the times spent together as we remember all the trips we have made together with our home cell. All the dinners and parties on special occasions. We are always blessed by the bond of friendship in the cell and other close friends that we have.
Lee Kuan Yew said at the recent passing of his wife of 63 years, '... At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief'. It is one statement that I can now absolutely identify with and understand.
The grief in the loss of a spouse is unimaginable. There is hardly a waking moment that you do not think about her. You can be talking and doing things and even laughing like normal on the outside but on the inside you would be thinking about her and along with those thoughts comes a crushing feeling and a lump in the throat as you try to contain tears. Sleep seems to be the only reprieve from the pain of grief.
It is common for most people to think that all will be alright after a few months. Not so. It is the permanence of the loss that is most devastating. Only to be alleviated somewhat by the hope of one day being reunited together again. The feeling is like having fallen into a deep ravine, you have been badly hurt as you try to slowly climb out, it takes time. Time will heal? Hopefully, but necessarily so. Perhaps it is what we do during that time that hopefully might help.
You can talk about it. Maybe that will help. But to whom? The crowds thin out after the show is over. Everyone have their own lives to live. Usually after some time, most people tend to forget that you are still grieving. The crowds leave, but the grief stays with you.
Grieving is a lonely journey. Having friends being around is always helpful not only in lending practical assistance but also in offering emotional support. Because grieving is all about emotions.
I will never have the joy of growing old together with her. It was something we both looked forward to and talked about including the things that we would do.
The past few months have been filled with weeping and crying. I find time to weep by myself when I am driving, when I sit in moments of reflection.
I have asked God, ‘Why did you have to take her away? The past years of taking care of her including the last 6 months of her life were not burdensome to me. I did not complain. I did my best and would have continued to do so’. I guess the answer may come only when we meet Him face to face. But by then it won’t matter anyway.
I was looking over a video playback of the 50th Birthday celebration two years ago. It was one of the best highlights of the final years she was with us. It was a great effort by the cell in organising it for us along with other events we've had together as a cell. The smile of surprise on her face and all her other expressions remind me of the things and qualities that endeared her to me. She was the best gift that I ever had.
Friends, difficult as it is, it's time to celebrate and not to cry. It's time to celebrate the good times and memories that we have had and what Kathryn has left with us.
Mark Teh
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
A Ray of Hope
A Ray of Hope
6 October 2010
It was a cool Tuesday afternoon after a light drizzle when we gathered at the Fairy Memorial Park in Klang at about 5.00 pm. It was our silver wedding anniversary. The skies were a cool but dull blue.
A few close friends and family members gathered to mark the occasion.
The Chinese tradition is that every year there is a season called 'cheng beng' where they would visit the graves of their loved ones to remember those that had left them. I couldn't relate to those occasions because they were usually for visiting the grave site of grandparents and other relatives. Until now. When it hits close to you because it involved someone really dear and close to you.
Today was for a different occasion. We reflected, we reminisced, we cried.
Silent tears were difficult to avoid. We sang a song, shared a memory. For some, a lot of thoughts must have crossed the mind. Some questions even. They were in deep thought. Some could not be expressed. These were still early days of grief.
I have asked myself, if 25 years ago, I could see that today I would be grieving over this loss, what would I have decided?
I look back at the joys of the 25 wonderful years we've had, what a wonderful wife and mother she has been and the three lovely children we have, I guess I would the answer would still be the same. 'I do'.
I read out the poem that I wrote for the occasion, 'A Table for Two'. We all placed flowers around the cross.
This was what Kathryn would have liked. Just a few close friends.
Just as we were about to leave we saw that the evening sun had begun to shine through the clouds giving a beautiful yellowish blue hue. It gave a warmth to the place where we were. It was as if God was trying to say something.
I reached for my camera to capture the moment. The cross looked striking against the clearing skies. The evening sun was not hidden any more behind the clouds. Its rays were beginning to shine through.
They were rays of hope. Beyond the grave.
(The above picture was taken against the evening sun from where we stood)
6 October 2010
It was a cool Tuesday afternoon after a light drizzle when we gathered at the Fairy Memorial Park in Klang at about 5.00 pm. It was our silver wedding anniversary. The skies were a cool but dull blue.
A few close friends and family members gathered to mark the occasion.
The Chinese tradition is that every year there is a season called 'cheng beng' where they would visit the graves of their loved ones to remember those that had left them. I couldn't relate to those occasions because they were usually for visiting the grave site of grandparents and other relatives. Until now. When it hits close to you because it involved someone really dear and close to you.
Today was for a different occasion. We reflected, we reminisced, we cried.
Silent tears were difficult to avoid. We sang a song, shared a memory. For some, a lot of thoughts must have crossed the mind. Some questions even. They were in deep thought. Some could not be expressed. These were still early days of grief.
I have asked myself, if 25 years ago, I could see that today I would be grieving over this loss, what would I have decided?
I look back at the joys of the 25 wonderful years we've had, what a wonderful wife and mother she has been and the three lovely children we have, I guess I would the answer would still be the same. 'I do'.
I read out the poem that I wrote for the occasion, 'A Table for Two'. We all placed flowers around the cross.
This was what Kathryn would have liked. Just a few close friends.
Just as we were about to leave we saw that the evening sun had begun to shine through the clouds giving a beautiful yellowish blue hue. It gave a warmth to the place where we were. It was as if God was trying to say something.
I reached for my camera to capture the moment. The cross looked striking against the clearing skies. The evening sun was not hidden any more behind the clouds. Its rays were beginning to shine through.
They were rays of hope. Beyond the grave.
(The above picture was taken against the evening sun from where we stood)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A Table Set for Two
A TABLE SET FOR TWO
The table that was set for two
I sat silently waiting there for you
'Twas our 25th wedding anniversary.
An empty seat now looks back at me.
The holiday reserved for two
It was a surprise meant for you
Something we'd always look forward to
But now I can't take it without you
It was a time to gather our friends a few
A time our wedding vows to renew
That is something I'd gladly now do
For if we could do it again I'd still choose you
The gift that's wrapped in tender affection
Within it a token of my love's expression
It now lies unopened, I guess it never will
Just like many of our dreams unfulfilled.
The card that's specially chosen for this day
Has so much of what I want to say
But now upon it's tear-soaked page
Run thoughts and feelings on a wild rampage
The bouquet of roses that was in my hand
Now covered with dust and unwelcome sand
'Twas meant for you to whom my heart I gave
It now lies wilted upon this silent grave
The table that was set for two
I sat silently waiting there for you
'Twas our 25th wedding anniversary.
An empty seat now looks back at me.
The holiday reserved for two
It was a surprise meant for you
Something we'd always look forward to
But now I can't take it without you
It was a time to gather our friends a few
A time our wedding vows to renew
That is something I'd gladly now do
For if we could do it again I'd still choose you
The gift that's wrapped in tender affection
Within it a token of my love's expression
It now lies unopened, I guess it never will
Just like many of our dreams unfulfilled.
The card that's specially chosen for this day
Has so much of what I want to say
But now upon it's tear-soaked page
Run thoughts and feelings on a wild rampage
The bouquet of roses that was in my hand
Now covered with dust and unwelcome sand
'Twas meant for you to whom my heart I gave
It now lies wilted upon this silent grave
Two by two the world was meant to be
Or at least that is what the Ark tells me
It looks like now it's back to one
To complete the race so well you've run
Can there be joy in the midst of sadness?
In the midst of sorrow, gladness
Somehow for the future we must dare believe
In its hope we must continue to live
Or at least that is what the Ark tells me
It looks like now it's back to one
To complete the race so well you've run
Can there be joy in the midst of sadness?
In the midst of sorrow, gladness
Somehow for the future we must dare believe
In its hope we must continue to live
This day will always hold much meaning
Through time we await the needed healing
We remember the years gone by
It's time to celebrate and not to cry
We may be separated by this divide called time
We'll continue to celebrate this day sublime
Me here and you there above
Happy Anniversary my love
Mark Teh
5 October 2010
(Today is the 25th Anniversary of our Wedding. A few of our friends and family members gathered at the Fairy Memorial Park in Klang to place flowers at Kathryn's resting place to remember this occasion)
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