Remembering 25 Years

09 October 2010
Dinner with Subang Cell members

This dinner is to remember and ‘celebrate’ our 25th Wedding Anniversary and to appreciate all of our cell members and close friends. Thank you for standing with our family the last few months. They have not been easy months for us and I'm sure most of you would feel the same way.

Kathryn and I have had 25 wonderful years of marriage for which we are thankful. Along with the passage of those years are treasures of memories that will always remain with us. We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. We were not poor neither are we rich but we’ve always had enough. We are also blessed to have made many friends over these years.

We have enjoyed the times spent together as we remember all the trips we have made together with our home cell. All the dinners and parties on special occasions. We are always blessed by the bond of friendship in the cell and other close friends that we have.

Lee Kuan Yew said at the recent passing of his wife of 63 years, '... At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief'. It is one statement that I can now absolutely identify with and understand.

The grief in the loss of a spouse is unimaginable. There is hardly a waking moment that you do not think about her. You can be talking and doing things and even laughing like normal on the outside but on the inside you would be thinking about her and along with those thoughts comes a crushing feeling and a lump in the throat as you try to contain tears. Sleep seems to be the only reprieve from the pain of grief.

It is common for most people to think that all will be alright after a few months. Not so. It is the permanence of the loss that is most devastating. Only to be alleviated somewhat by the hope of one day being reunited together again. The feeling is like having fallen into a deep ravine, you have been badly hurt as you try to slowly climb out, it takes time. Time will heal? Hopefully, but necessarily so. Perhaps it is what we do during that time that hopefully might help.

You can talk about it. Maybe that will help. But to whom? The crowds thin out after the show is over. Everyone have their own lives to live. Usually after some time, most people tend to forget that you are still grieving. The crowds leave, but the grief stays with you.

Grieving is a lonely journey. Having friends being around is always helpful not only in lending practical assistance but also in offering emotional support. Because grieving is all about emotions.

I will never have the joy of growing old together with her. It was something we both looked forward to and talked about including the things that we would do.

The past few months have been filled with weeping and crying. I find time to weep by myself when I am driving, when I sit in moments of reflection.

I have asked God, ‘Why did you have to take her away? The past years of taking care of her including the last 6 months of her life were not burdensome to me. I did not complain. I did my best and would have continued to do so’. I guess the answer may come only when we meet Him face to face. But by then it won’t matter anyway.

I was looking over a video playback of the 50th Birthday celebration two years ago. It was one of the best highlights of the final years she was with us. It was a great effort by the cell in organising it for us along with other events we've had together as a cell. The smile of surprise on her face and all her other expressions remind me of the things and qualities that endeared her to me. She was the best gift that I ever had.

Friends, difficult as it is, it's time to celebrate and not to cry. It's time to celebrate the good times and memories that we have had and what Kathryn has left with us.


Mark Teh