A Prayer of Thankfulness in the Midst of Pain

Prayer of Thankfulness in the Midst of Pain

Thank you for showing me what a perfect marriage is and what a perfect companion can be like through all these years that we have had. You have given us twenty-five wonderful years of treasured memories too precious and far too many to enumerate. I can only think of the beautiful relationship that we've had.

Thank you for the added years so that our children's memory of their mother would neither be a faint nor fleeting one. Instead, they now hold memories that are anchored in fond and endearing moments of tenderness and love spent with her in their growing years. They have grown in their walk with you through the tough times we shared.

Thank you for reminding me each time when I give my children a hug, that you are also holding me tight in your arms and never letting me go even when my own faith was frail and weak. I just needed to hear your reassuring words that you are still with me through rest of this journey.

Thank you for allowing Kathryn's life to impact others who needed to see the Christ that we often talked about. You have showed us through her life that it is not the eloquence of our words that best carry your message but the substance of an unassuming and caring life that will connect with and touch the hearts of those who really need you.

Thank you for showing me a glimpse of Gethsamane and what it cost You when You too wrestled to say, 'Not my will but thine be done'. Often times surrender means a heart that is torn, questions that remain unanswered, emotions that are frayed, but it is always matched with your unending measure of grace.

Thank you for being big enough to take the blows from my hands when they pounded on heaven's doors in cries of desperation from an anguished soul. You have allowed me to ask questions, to doubt, to shout aloud, yet you are patient enough to hear me out. Your silence was a silence of mercy and not of anger.

Thank you for carrying me upon your shoulders when my own legs were too feeble to carry me. The three sets of footprints in the sand that became two and now one speaks to me of your loving care as a gentle Shepherd.

Thank you for clasping my faltering hand in yours and guiding me when I cannot see beyond the blind corner ahead of me. With my own vision blurred with tears, I needed the touch of a familiar hand to lead me on.

Thank you for seeing the silent tears that were shed in solitary moments - tears that can only be wiped away completely when we see You face to face and are reunited with the ones that we dearly love.

Thank you for the strength to say, 'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me' despite the storms that rage within me. This is only what I can offer at this moment - only the sacrifice of praise that comes from this broken spirit.





MT
31 December 2010

(a Prayer shared at the Watchnight Service at Glad Tidings Assembly Klang)

You Needn't Have To Go

You Needn't Have To Go

You needn't have to go
And leave us all alone
This place was meant for you
This here our humble home

You could have stayed
Just a little longer
Our greatest adversities,
We were meant to conquer.

I would've done more for you
If what I've done is not enough
We were meant to win this battle
We were made of sterner stuff

Heaven calls, you say
But can heaven not wait?
You were not meant to go
There's so much of life ahead

'But I've run my course', you say
I've finished the race
There's nothing more to do
But to sing, 'Amazing grace'

We're not ready to part
So why must we say goodbye?
Why do you have to go? I asked,
I waited, but there was no reply

We were meant to share
Our days in its golden years
Twilight is still so far away
But now there's only unending tears

You left just too early
O why must it be so?
You're much wanted here
You needn't have to go


MT
2 September 2010

(Poem shared at the Watchnight Service at Glad Tidings Assembly, Klang)

Footprints in 2010

Footprints in 2010
I was working on my computer a few days ago and a newsfeed flashed in front of me that caught my attention. ‘Celebrity Deaths in 2010’. As I scrolled down the list, the names of hundreds of well-known personalities and celebrities that had passed away in 2010 came into view.

As I reflected over this year 2010, there were two other persons who passed away who were not in that list, two persons who were close to us. They may not have been celebrities by the world’s standards, but nevertheless in heaven’s eyes they are now listed among those in the hall of faith.

One of them was my brother-in-law who passed away in November this year. He was a lay leader in the Klang Methodist Church and had served faithfully for many years. He had played a very big role in the life of that church impacting the lives of many and was instrumental in some of the church’s outreach posts. When he died, hundreds came to pay their respects at the wake services held at their home and in the church.

The other person was someone I spoke about 9 years ago, at a watchnight service like this. I talked about severe challenges that I was going through. Then my wife, Kathryn was diagnosed with breast cancer and from then began a long fight against the disease. Kathryn just passed away in May this year.

It has been a rich and fulfilling period even as we battled to overcome the condition that afflicted her. Throughout this time, God has brought many people our way to support us and pray with us. Our special thanks to our Subang Cell members with whom we have shared many times of fun and laughter and learning to grow together. They have been together with us together with a few other close friends supporting us through the times Kathryn was ill especially throughout the whole of this year and even during her last days in the hospital taking turns to care and pray for her. They have made our burden lighter by sharing it.

During the last nine years, God has also brought us to many people that we could reach out to and touch in our small way. These were people that needed a comforting hand as they themselves walk their journey of faith through an illness that they had. We have learnt a lot through just sharing and talking to them.

It has not been an easy 8 months since Kathryn left us. She has been more than a wife to me and a mother to our children. She was our dearest friend. She has been our faithful counsel, the voice of wisdom and the one that made our house a home.

I struggled to prepare what to share tonight at this Watchnight service.

I thought it might be appropriate to share what I want to say in poem and a prayer that I put together. I have been sharing some of my thoughts in my blog and these two are part of them. The poem describes some of my thoughts on Kathryn’s leaving us.


You Needn't Have To Go

2 September 2010

(click here to see posting on poem)

The last few months have not been an easy time. I was thinking of what we can give thanks to God for in the midst of such difficult circumstances. I began to write a prayer to of thanksgiving to God which I want to read out to you. It is entitled,

A Prayer of Thankfulness in the Midst of Pain

(click here to see posting on prayer)

For my children and me, the journey is still continuing and there will be ups and downs but the Lord has promised to be with us.

Last night I was with two of my children, Pam and Darren at the airport to bid goodbye to one of Pam's best friends who was leaving for New Zealand. Pam and her friend were in tears as they bid each other goodbye. It is difficult to say goodbye to someone when you do not know when is the next time you will see them again. Or if that 'next time' may be a long while.

MT
31 December 2010

(Thoughts that I shared at the Watchnight Service at Glad Tidings, Klang)

Where is God?

I was reading the book "Where is God when it hurts?" by Philip Yancey last Tuesday morning during the few days that I managed to get away with away with the kids.

"Meanwhile where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, if you turn to Him with praise, you will be welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of
bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that silence. You might as well turn away. " a quote from C S Lewis.

This is probably an apt description of how we feel where answers are most elusive when we need them most. Inspirations and revelations mostly come spontaneously and randomly when we least expect them and not when we earnestly seek them. How many times do we actually get the answers we wanted even after a time of fasting and prayer? I have many times come away from such times no wiser or closer to the answers or decisions than when we first started out. Maybe it's the distractions of the places that we go away to supposedly for some time of quiet or reflection.

Right now we seek answers to the question of pain that we and other people like ourselves experience. Will there be any answers? When will the answers be forthcoming? Maybe it still has something to do with this thing called faith, again. The catch all phrase that we use to conveniently explain away those things that we don't have answers to. Do we really pursue further?

Yancey quotes another line from CS Lewis after his own wife had died of bone cancer: "You never know how much you believe about anything until it's truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you".

Yancey quotes another novelist, Peter DeVries as saying the problem of pain is like "the question mark turned like a fishhook in the human heart".

For me the pain is something like a two edged dagger stuck in the heart - you're deeply wounded: to leave it there is painful and to pull it out is just as painful. I guess it is something we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

MT

21 December 2010

I will Never Let Go of Your Love

I will never let go of Your love,
Your mighty love,
I will never forget all the praise,
You're worthy of
You'll never leave me
And You'll never walk away
I will never let go of Your love


Terry Macalmon


Though we may be apart
You will always remain in my heart
Merry Christmas
My Dearest

MT 25 December 2010

(This was a song that was one of Kathryn's favourite songs in recent times. It was played during her final days in hospital. It was a song that kept her and gave her much needed strength)

The Writer

The Writer

Like the pen of a prolific writer
Flowing with words that describe the story
Likewise the heart of one broken
Flowing with tears that describe the loss

The loss that is beyond measure
The flight of someone so dear
O Heaven would pause to wonder
Why must this be so?

Like the brush of a skilful artist
Painting images across a wide open canvas,
Likewise the feelings of one distraught
Painted across the canvas of his heart

His heart torn beyond measure
Bidding farewell to someone so dear,
O Heaven would pause to wonder
Why must this be so?

Like the music of an accomplished maestro
Taking in stride the highs and lows
Likewise the emotions of one grieving
Coping with the tide and ebb of life

Of life so fragile and tender
The life of someone he calls dear
O heaven would pause to wonder
Why must this be so?

Like the wheel of an expert potter
Creating the shape of things to be
Likewise the hopes of one praying
Creating a better person with each turn of day

Of days so fleeting, we wonder
Only memories remain of someone dear
O heaven would pause to ponder
This is why it's so.

MT
14 December 2010

Of Belly Dancers

Looking through the birthday cards sent by some of the Assuntarians for Kathryn’s birthday last year brought back many memories of what it was last year. Kathryn was starting to feel physically challenged as her condition worsened after our daughter, Melissa’s graduation in September. However, the group of Assuntarians were kind enough to organize an all-girls only ‘belly dancing party’ in November to celebrate her birthday and brighten up her spirits.

This was a party not for the ‘faint-hearted’ and my two girls sportingly joined in while accompanying their mother. They were in for a culture shock of grown-ups having fun in non-conventional setting. I am told that they engaged a professional belly-dancer group to coach them some basic steps for the event. However, the group of Assuntarians were not so ‘gung-ho’ in their dressing but simply wore long ‘flowy’ dresses for the dance.

My two girls and Kathryn came back from the party with faces beaming. You could tell they had a whale of a time and had thoroughly enjoyed themselves from the way they related the happenings in the party. Thanks, Assuntarians.

The Assuntarians also came around to visit on many occasions. I remember during the last week in the hospital, two of them, Phaik Leng and Kuldip had come by to cheer Kathryn up. They promised to bring her a butter cake or some sort the following week. I could see a wide smile on Kathryn’s face as she nodded her head in appreciation. She was looking forward to the following week’s visit and the cake. Thanks, you girls were really supportive with your ever engaging humour and encouraging light hearted banter in such a situation.

A Farewell

Today we bid farewell to Kok Meng's mum. (Kok Meng and Jenny are members of our Subang Jaya cell). At her funeral service today, I read out a poem that I had selected for the service which was taken from a poem delivered at the funeral service of the Queen Mother, mother to Queen Elizabeth who passed away sometime ago. It carried a lot of meaning that I thought it might be good to share it. The poem went like this:


SHE'S GONE
"You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all she's left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she's gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she'd wanted: smile, open your eyes, love and go on. "

I suppose this poem is just as relevant to any one of us who may have lost someone that is close and dear to us. As difficult as it is, we just need to find the strength to move on even though a little at a time because this is what those whom we love and miss would have wanted us to do.

Pearl Harbour

I saw two movies tonight : one was Pearl Harbour which was first released several years ago. This was a love story set against the backdrop of the Second World War where a navy pilot fell in love with and later married his best friend's girlfriend after the friend was reportedly killed in a combat mission. Later the friend turns up alive and the whole story evolves around the moving relationship between the three main characters in the story. In the final combat mission, the one who married the girl is killed and the girl is reunited back with her first love.

These days scenes where someone dies in the story hits much more closer to home as I remember how Kathryn left us. My mind is taken back to the final moments just before she died. Holding her and just being there with her and for her is something precious that is etched in our hearts and minds forever.

The second was a movie entitled The Time Traveler's Wife where a man who was one of the main characters in the story was able to travel in time from the past or the future to moments in his past or future where he could see fleeting scenes of his life and afterwards disappears once again into time. Towards the end of the story, he sees himself in a future scene where he dies in a shooting accident. The man finally dies and after his death he reappears back to his wife and young daughter where they were happily reunited even for a brief moment before he once again fades away into time.

The reality is that we can't travel through time but sometimes I wonder how nice it would be if we could. Could we travel back and change parts of past events? Could we travel through this divide called time and just be able to catch a glimpse of our loved ones even for a moment in time? Just holding them and loving them? I know we must begin somehow to live in the present and not in the past. That, is the challenging part.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Of Journeys We Take

I attended the 50th Anniversary Celebration of the Bible College of Malaysia last night. The guest speaker for the evening touched on the theme of the dinner, 'Remarkable Journey, Promising Future' when talking about the journey of the school since its inception to what it is now today. He described some of the challenges that one might face in the journey and this depended on the type of journey he was in. The challenges in the journey by land for example would involve obstacles like mountains, and valleys and having to cross streams. A journey by sea would have to contend with storms and 20 foot waves that threaten to scuttle the ship and where we face the possibility of shipwreck. The journey by air would encounter the risk of air turbulence and thunderstorms and the inherent dangers of crashing.

It reminded me of the fact that the loss of a loved one is something like a setback in one's journey that can often throw one off course from his journey and from reaching his destination. Life's train just got derailed. This is indeed true for me personally and I'm sure it holds true for others in such a similar situation.

I'm reminded of what Jesus said, that in this world we shall have many tribulations (storms, turbulence), (a rather sobering thought) but he has overcome them all. It just reminds us that life is but a constant struggle. We are constantly facing headwinds, contrary winds and there is usually never a smooth sailing. God didn't promise one either.

The apostle Paul was no stranger to sufferings and shipwrecks (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). He talks about being beaten up, shipwrecked thrice, facing perilous journeys and encountering physical deprivation. Paul's life stands out as a shining example of how to overcome (or rather 'manage') setbacks in life while maintaining the course of pressing toward the prize of the high calling of God at the end of his journey.

I wish it would be that simple. The truth of the matter is the journey through grief is never easy. It is not even a straight journey to begin with. Sometimes you off the well beaten track and other times you can go around in circles. I feel as though I'm still at an early part of the journey. Sometimes it feels like driving an old rickety car that moves forward in spurts and then stalls while the engine gets overheated. You just never seem to get ahead and move on in life. Sometimes you know you can't move too fast, and other times you don't want to. But I guess little by little, we should make some progress, eventually.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Dearest Mom,

Firstly, I would like to thank God for such a wonderful mom like Y-O-U. Indeed you alone are such a blessing not only to me, but to everyone around you. Know that you are loved ma, loved very very much.

Mom, you are such an inspiration, despite all that you've been through, you are still strong in the Lord, and I admire you for that. You are my role model, always patient, always kind, always ever so loving.

On this special day, I speak abundant blessings upon you. May God grant you healing and many many more days and years to come! May God continue to work and speak to you. May He be the bestest friend you could ever have. I love you

Pam

19 November 2009

(Pam is our second daughter and is currently studying very hard for her SPM)

From Lilian Jansen

Dearest Kat,

As you celebrate your birthday, I think that you should know...

... in my heart - I truly feel
that each day of your life
is equally worthy of celebration;
that the joy you bring
into this world
is ever-unfolding;
that your presence in my life
is a rare and fine
and wondrous gift
And today and always
I wish you the happiness
that - each day -
you have given to me

(poem by Robert Sexton)

Lots of love, GBU, hugs,

Lilian Jansen

19 November 2009

(Lilian is a neighbourhood friend that has been very supportive of Kathryn during the recent years we've known her)

From May Lee

Dearest Boon Kee,

Friends always remember the good times.

Happy Birthday.

Luv and Kisses,

May Lee

19 November 2009

(ex-Assuntarian with Kathryn)

From Ai Kuan,

Dearest Boon Kee,

May this birthday be just the beginning of a great year filled with happy memories,
wonderful moments and shining dreams.....


With love from

Ai Kuan

19 November 2009

(Ai Kuan is an ex-Assuntarian with Kathryn during her secondary school years)

From Pam Hendroff

Dearest Boon,

Some of us met up last night & we talked about you - it was your birthday yesterday & we remembered you with fondness & love

Pam

20 November 2010

From Elita

Boon Kee dearest,

Magic dreams and sweet wishes come true,
Hope your birthday is as special as you!
God bless

Stay as sweet as you are.

Luv, Elita

19 November 2009

(Elita is one of the Assuntarians together with Kathryn)

The Prayer of St Francis of Assisi

My Dearest Boon Kee,

I hope you're enjoying this birthday party of yours and especially having all your friends with you, some whom you haven't seen in years.

You're going through a tough time right now and I have no words that could take away the pain or to help you heal, but I know that the good Lord has His mighty hand in this. And there's nothing that you cannot handle without His help.

Do you remember this prayer, which we used to pray when we were in school? It is one of my favorite prayers. I would like to share this with you..

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant me that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

You are a strong woman, Boon Kee, and I admire you for that.
Happy Birthday will all my love and prayers, I wish you wonderful blessings always.

Pam

19 November 2009

(Pam Hendroff is a fellow Assuntarian with Kathryn in the secondary school years)

From Amy Cheong

For a dear friend,

There is a magnet in your heart
That will attract true friends
That magnet is unselfishness,
Thinking of others first
When you learn to live for others
They will live for you.

My dearest, dearest friend... Boon,

This is so very true of you. You are a true gem of a friend and I love you.
I remember the time when you and Mark came and comforted me when my Mum was ill. You took the time and I truly appreciate it - have not thanked you enough.
Going on and on and forgot to wish you...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear friend

.... and the Lord's richest blessings be upon you always. You have been a blessing to me and and if I can be a fraction of what you are, I know I will be blessed. Love you my friend.

Wanted to write in many, many colours cos you add colours in our lives but all my coloured pens ran out of ink!

'No road is long with good company'

I will go on any long journey with you anytime! So my dear, just want you to know that you are a very very special friend to me (though I don't mention it enough). You take good care of yourself and remember that God loves YOU a whole lot.

Love you my friend!

Amy Cheong
2009

From the Assuntarians

Dearest Boon,

Happy Birthday to a special person and a favorite friend. May everything bright and beautiful be yours, today and every day.

A birthday wish first.... present in the "making"-> next change

Amy (PL), Ai Kuan, Celme, Gerry, Elita, Judy, Kuldip, Nora, Pam, Siew Bee, Yasmin, Amy

19 November 2009

My Favourite Cheesecake

Dear Aunty Kath,

Happy 51st Birthday

It has been a blessing to know you ever since I was born. You were there while I was growing up and everytime it was my birthday.. you would bake me my favourite cake, CHEESE CAKE!!

I am sorry I can't return the favour the same way, because this month I would be travelling a lot. I will get you something from Langkawi.

HAPPY 51ST BIRTHDAY.

Truly yours,

Daniel Raj

November 2009

(Daniel is the youngest son of Alex and Margaret Raj who are both close family friends of Mark and Kathryn for a long time. Kathryn's cheesecake remains one of their family favourites.)

A Courageous Woman of God

Dear Kathryn,

I love you and I think you are the most mature and courageous woman of God I know.

Though you have walked this road for the last 7 years, both alone and with others, this one thing I am confident: it's that you will continue to walk it well with your usual calm and outstanding faith! And that's because you know who is holding your hand. Psalm 91.. victory is planned.

I'm trusting God and praying with you. HAVE A BLESSED BIRTHDAY (51 yrs)

Love you so much,

Margaret Raj

November 2009

(Margaret is a close family friend and member of Glad Tidings Assembly, Klang)

From Irvin Rutherford

Kathryn,

Listen to these healing verses day after day to build healing faith. You are in our thoughts and prayer.

Irvin and Linda Rutherford

November 2009

(Reverend Irvin has on many occasions visited Kathryn when she was not well and encouraged her with scriptures and personal words of exhortation. We are blessed to be ministered by him)

You are My Inspiration

Dearest Boon Kee,

Just in the last week, I met two persons who 'talked' about you... one day after another!! They both don't know each other but know you very well and are inspired by you.

I just had to be in contact with you... you are a God-given gift to so many people including me. Heard about your ill-health...it saddens me but yet knowing you, I know you don't wanna be that.

Boon Kee, as I always fondly know you... you are an amazing lady. As a young working adult when I first met you, I wanted to 'grow-up' like you.

The first person I met, said you introduced Christ to him and saved his marriage is Tan Take Huat. The 2nd person is your niece Li May (my church member).

You are in my thoughts and prayer, Boon Kee. You are my inspiration.You are indeed a salt and light.

Love,

Eng2

20 November 2009

For a Lady Who Inspires

I was looking through some of the birthday cards and notes sent by some those who know Kathryn and I found some words of encouragement that I thought would be good to share with all of you. Among them was this poem:

Poems for a Lady who Inspires

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great faith
To take refuge under His wings
To believe and trust God
To face all the odds

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great courage
To face the big 'C' head on
With strength, poise and confidence
Against all the odds

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great strength
Who doesn't falter
In the midst of fear and confusion
To overcome the odds

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great wisdom
To steadfastly clinging on to God
Without a second thought
Under the pressure of the odds

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great grace
Even though in pain
Never ever complain
Never succumb to the odds

Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of great compassion
Reaching out to the women
In the same situation
Helping them fight the odds

To sum it all
Your fight against cancer
Has created in you
A woman of godly substance
A shining testimony
A blessed encouragement
And most of all
A mighty conqueror
At the onslaught of the odds.

By Kam Siew Kin, a friend from Glad Tidings Klang.

In the days ahead I shall be posting some more of these words of encouragement by others who stood by Kathryn in her greatest hour of need.

Happy Birthday

It's Kathryn's birthday today. We were wondering whether we should do anything to remember the occasion. We had just lost another member of our family to cancer this week - my brother in law. He was an active lay leader in the Klang Methodist Church.

I decided to make a visit to the Fairy Park Memorial Park in Klang. It was raining when I reached there and I had to wait for about half an hour in the car as the rain gradually petered out. During that time I took out my iPhone to play some of Kathryn's favourite worship songs by Terry Macalmon as I imagined how she must have liked to hear.

It was a solitary moment after the rain as I stepped out later to place the flowers that I had brought along with me at her site. There was no one else around apart from a gardener that I saw making his rounds. The rains like the last visit we made had cooled down the place quite a bit after the blistering hot afternoon.

It is a quiet birthday celebration without her. I spent some quiet moments reflecting on the good times we had and told her how much I missed her. The pain and the tears were still there. I left the Park still listening to some of the worship songs as I made my way to office.

Later in the evening, the children and I had a quiet Japanese dinner in Sunway to remember their mother's birthday. We talked and reflected. We laughed. Kathryn was very much with us in our hearts. Yati our domestic help for the last ten years was with us. She was feeling much like a member of the family.

This is the first birthday celebration for Kathryn that we have had without her. I'm glad we did something to remember her. I'm sure there is also a celebration in heaven for her.

Happy Birthday, my dearest.

When It Doesn't Make Sense

Melissa, my daughter came up to me and asked me about the passage in Hebrews chapter 4 where it talks about the children of Israel in the Old Testament not entering into rest of God because of their unbelief and disobedience. She needed a clarification on the meaning of the passage.

I explained that the 'rest' in that passage referred to the rest from their journeying in the wilderness when they entered into the promised Canaan land. They did not believe that God could get them through the wilderness. They were always striving and murmuring. As a result they could not enter the Promised Land.

I further explained that often times the stories in the Bible have application to our daily living. When we have faith and are obedient to God's ways, we will constantly be in the rest of God. We will not be perturbed by the storms around us. For those that are striving, the source of rest is in Jesus who said, 'Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest'.

A further application was that we are pilgrims on this earth and through faith and obedience, we will enter into the eternal rest of God from our labours on earth when our life is over.

Melissa said that the explanation I gave on the passage made a lot of sense to her. I told her that I can make sense of what the Bible says but at a time like this, I can't make sense of whatever was happening around us right now. How does one make any sense out of the death of someone he loves dearly. It doesn't make sense to me why bad things happen to good people. It doesn't make sense to me why there is so much injustice in the world we see today. All these generic 'why' questions are always having a personal relevance to it. I'm having difficulty trying to connect all the dots to see the bigger picture.

In a time when everything around us doesn't make any sense, I guess the only thing sensible thing that we can do is to cling on tenaciously to the thing that does make some sense and that is the Word of God. We wait for the rest of the things to fall in line. 'That makes sense', she said.

During our conversation, the thought occurred to me that Kathryn is now enjoying the eternal rest of God after having completed all that she could have done. She has been obedient and has held steady her faith unto the end. She has earned her rest from all her labours on earth because she has completed whatever God had purposed for her life. Maybe, that might make some sense out of this situation, in a sense. At least it might help to connect some of the dots.

11 November 2010

The Sound of Silence

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Every night I lie awake
Staring into the darkness
When lights are out, my heart would ache
What I hear is the sound of silence

In my mind I call to you
'Where are you, my dearest?
Why the haste to bid adieu?'
All I hear is the sound of silence

The room once filled with laughter's tones
Reflecting the happier times we spent
The music's gone, I'm all alone
It's now filled with the sound of silence

The heart dismayed, emotions frayed
Voicing questions that perplex my mind
I strain my ears, an answer for which I prayed
Echoing back is the sound of silence

When I awake in night's deep dreer
Just the thought of you would bring a tear
For your voice I cannot now hear
Looking to break the sound of silence

The sound of music we've once had
Pictures of happiness and gaiety
'Twas nothing but music to make one glad
But with me now is the sound of silence

Heaven resounds with sweet refrains
Your voice amongst its hosts
Earth responds with majestic strains
But what reaches me is the sound of silence

A wandering ship, ill at ease
Looking for a peaceful haven
Should I choose the raging seas
Or return to the sound of silence?


Mark Teh
1 November 2010

When our Prayers Face Up to the Sovereignty of God.

Can you think of the times when our prayers don't seem to get answered? I can think of several.

Not necessarily the prayers for someone's detriment (although to be honest there are times when our prayers are not quite charitable) but sometimes even the prayers for someone's good. Like when we pray for healing for someone but healing doesn't come. Like when we pray for someone to be blessed but somehow they are still struggling for a long time after that.

Yes, we may pray that God will remove those who are evil from positions of authority, we pray that our adversaries would be removed from us. Or like Paul, we pray for God to take away some thorn in the flesh. Somehow the wicked seems to prosper even more and goes unpunished. The righteous continue to suffer instead despite our fervent prayers. And by the way, the thorn will still be there when we wake up each morning.

Could it be that at these times our prayers may just have come face to face with the sovereignty of God? Job's cries for understanding also comes to a head when he stares at the sovereignty of God. God is just too big to be understood. Sometimes God's sovereignty is like that. We can just never understand it no matter how hard we try. We just have to come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance is always painful when in the sovereignty of God, the outcome of our prayers is not to our desires or expectations. We are left disappointed, a bit angry at times. We realise that God's answer to our cries can take many forms. Not all to our liking some times. Somehow, we come to learn and accept that His thoughts are not our thoughts, neither His ways our ways because the heavens will always be higher than the earth and so His thoughts and ways higher than ours. It still hurts nonetheless.

It is then we realise that our prayers are not about pushing God in a corner or forcing His hand. It is about the surrender of our will and our heart to His infinite wisdom and plans. Abraham's altar still speaks to us today about that. So do the stories of some of the heroes of faith in Hebrews 11.

26 October 2010

The Grief of David

I am reminded of two scenes of grief - both expressed by the psalmist David, the man after God's own heart.

The first was at the death of his infant son with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12:15-23). David pleaded with God for the child, fasted and wept before the Lord. Despite all that, the child died. Before the child died, David said, 'who can tell me whether the Lord will be gracious to me that the child might live?

We are aware that cancer is a deadly disease. Despite that we continued to pray and seek the Lord for healing and hoped against hope like Abraham did. For who knows whether the Lord might be merciful? Yet when the outcome is to the contrary, as painful as it is, we must pick ourselves up and move on like David did.

I suppose David spoke for all of us when he said this after the child had died, 'can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me'.

The second scene was when he heard that his adult son Absalom had died. (2 Samuel 18:33, 19:1-4). He was overcome with emotion and grief when he cried, 'O my son Absalom - if only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son, my son!'. The pain that he felt in his heart was like as if he could have died in Absalom's place.

The day of victory in battle that day became a day of mourning as the king grieved over the death of his son.

No matter what victories and blessings that follow us in the days to come ('surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life') our joys will always be tempered by the grief of this loss. It has been a few months now but just the thought of Kathryn always brings a tear.

What can I say but that David really expressed what goes on in our hearts and our minds over our loss at this time when he was grieving over the loss of his sons on these two occasions.

23 October 2010

When Zero has a Value

The Arabic numbering system starts with a zero and ends with a 9. We can't imagine how our modern day numbering system which is based on the Arabic system would be without the zero. The tens, hundreds, thousands and millions are described as having a certain number of zeros behind. We think of zero having no value but essentially it is an inportant part of the numbering system and a matter of fact that cannot be ignored.

God created the universe out of nothing but only used his spoken word. 'Nothing' was something to God.

We attended a seminar for grieving persons in Kuala Lumpur yesterday. One of the things that struck me was an illustration given in the seminar in the form of a picture of a tall and huge but narrow looking hotel built in the typhoon prone area of Hong Kong overlooking the Repulse Bay. When viewed sideways the hotel looked like a thin card standing precariously on its edge and could easily be blown over by a strong gust of wind. The whole hotel looked one room deep.

The unique feature about this hotel was the presence of a void in the centre of the structure that allowed the passage of strong winds through the structure. This prevented the build up of structural stress during typhoons that could lead to the collapse of the building. Any attempt to close up the void would potentially cause the hotel to collapse. That 'zero' part of the structure became a very important and valuable part of the building's defence against typhoons.

The illustration pointed out that the loss of our loved ones would often leave a void in our lives that would always remain a part of us. Any attempt to fill out the void with activity and other things can cause undue stress. We can build around the void but not entirely close it. The empty void becomes an important and inseparable part of our life.

I have come to appreciate that this void or emptiness that we feel now will always be the place where memories of past experiences will be. We can't replace it with activities or attempt to cover it up. The void in us where Kathryn had been is legacy that will remain a part of us. God treasures and values that void and so must we.

17 October 2010

Turning Back the Time

TURNING BACK THE TIME

If we could have but one chance
Could we would turn back the pages of time
To where we were and live it all again?
And perhaps....could it have been different?
We embrace the good and rewrite the bad?......

The time when you walked into my life
Young as we were
Life was full of hope and aspirations
Our youthful eyes met
And the rest is history.

The time when we walked down the aisle
Our families and friends beaming
Life was full of love and energy
We were ready to take on the world,
And indeed we did.

The time when we had our first born
She came to us as a bundle of joy
Life was full of joy and purpose
An awesome feeling of parenthood,
The responsibility that came with it

The time when you quit your job
You could have made your millions
Life was never happier, never more fulfilling
To exchange a lifelong career
For the rewarding role of full-time home maker

The time when I had problems at work
You were there praying
Life was a struggle but we persevered
We became better not bitter
Stronger and yet humbler

The time when you were first afflicted with illness
You remained faithful and prayerful
Life had its share of unanswered questions
But you showed that out of trials
Came forth patience and fortitude

The time when you did your treatment
Would it be different now if we had done things differently?
Life was always full of difficult decisions
We did what we could
The rest was in God's hands.

The time when we had to say good-bye
Torn between holding on and releasing you, it pained us so
Life is always full of mysteries
Yet we live it with a yielded heart
To our eternal God and Creator

Mark Teh
9 October 2010

(poem read at the Anniversary Dinner)

Remembering 25 Years

09 October 2010
Dinner with Subang Cell members

This dinner is to remember and ‘celebrate’ our 25th Wedding Anniversary and to appreciate all of our cell members and close friends. Thank you for standing with our family the last few months. They have not been easy months for us and I'm sure most of you would feel the same way.

Kathryn and I have had 25 wonderful years of marriage for which we are thankful. Along with the passage of those years are treasures of memories that will always remain with us. We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. We were not poor neither are we rich but we’ve always had enough. We are also blessed to have made many friends over these years.

We have enjoyed the times spent together as we remember all the trips we have made together with our home cell. All the dinners and parties on special occasions. We are always blessed by the bond of friendship in the cell and other close friends that we have.

Lee Kuan Yew said at the recent passing of his wife of 63 years, '... At this moment of the final parting, my heart is heavy with sorrow and grief'. It is one statement that I can now absolutely identify with and understand.

The grief in the loss of a spouse is unimaginable. There is hardly a waking moment that you do not think about her. You can be talking and doing things and even laughing like normal on the outside but on the inside you would be thinking about her and along with those thoughts comes a crushing feeling and a lump in the throat as you try to contain tears. Sleep seems to be the only reprieve from the pain of grief.

It is common for most people to think that all will be alright after a few months. Not so. It is the permanence of the loss that is most devastating. Only to be alleviated somewhat by the hope of one day being reunited together again. The feeling is like having fallen into a deep ravine, you have been badly hurt as you try to slowly climb out, it takes time. Time will heal? Hopefully, but necessarily so. Perhaps it is what we do during that time that hopefully might help.

You can talk about it. Maybe that will help. But to whom? The crowds thin out after the show is over. Everyone have their own lives to live. Usually after some time, most people tend to forget that you are still grieving. The crowds leave, but the grief stays with you.

Grieving is a lonely journey. Having friends being around is always helpful not only in lending practical assistance but also in offering emotional support. Because grieving is all about emotions.

I will never have the joy of growing old together with her. It was something we both looked forward to and talked about including the things that we would do.

The past few months have been filled with weeping and crying. I find time to weep by myself when I am driving, when I sit in moments of reflection.

I have asked God, ‘Why did you have to take her away? The past years of taking care of her including the last 6 months of her life were not burdensome to me. I did not complain. I did my best and would have continued to do so’. I guess the answer may come only when we meet Him face to face. But by then it won’t matter anyway.

I was looking over a video playback of the 50th Birthday celebration two years ago. It was one of the best highlights of the final years she was with us. It was a great effort by the cell in organising it for us along with other events we've had together as a cell. The smile of surprise on her face and all her other expressions remind me of the things and qualities that endeared her to me. She was the best gift that I ever had.

Friends, difficult as it is, it's time to celebrate and not to cry. It's time to celebrate the good times and memories that we have had and what Kathryn has left with us.


Mark Teh

At the Park

5 October 2010, Tuesday afternoon

A Ray of Hope

A Ray of Hope
6 October 2010


It was a cool Tuesday afternoon after a light drizzle when we gathered at the Fairy Memorial Park in Klang at about 5.00 pm. It was our silver wedding anniversary. The skies were a cool but dull blue.

A few close friends and family members gathered to mark the occasion.

The Chinese tradition is that every year there is a season called 'cheng beng' where they would visit the graves of their loved ones to remember those that had left them. I couldn't relate to those occasions because they were usually for visiting the grave site of grandparents and other relatives. Until now. When it hits close to you because it involved someone really dear and close to you.

Today was for a different occasion. We reflected, we reminisced, we cried.

Silent tears were difficult to avoid. We sang a song, shared a memory. For some, a lot of thoughts must have crossed the mind. Some questions even. They were in deep thought. Some could not be expressed. These were still early days of grief.

I have asked myself, if 25 years ago, I could see that today I would be grieving over this loss, what would I have decided?

I look back at the joys of the 25 wonderful years we've had, what a wonderful wife and mother she has been and the three lovely children we have, I guess I would the answer would still be the same. 'I do'.

I read out the poem that I wrote for the occasion, 'A Table for Two'. We all placed flowers around the cross.

This was what Kathryn would have liked. Just a few close friends.

Just as we were about to leave we saw that the evening sun had begun to shine through the clouds giving a beautiful yellowish blue hue. It gave a warmth to the place where we were. It was as if God was trying to say something.

I reached for my camera to capture the moment. The cross looked striking against the clearing skies. The evening sun was not hidden any more behind the clouds. Its rays were beginning to shine through.

They were rays of hope. Beyond the grave.

(The above picture was taken against the evening sun from where we stood)

A Table Set for Two

A TABLE SET FOR TWO

The table that was set for two
I sat silently waiting there for you
'Twas our 25th wedding anniversary.
An empty seat now looks back at me.

The holiday reserved for two
It was a surprise meant for you
Something we'd always look forward to
But now I can't take it without you

It was a time to gather our friends a few
A time our wedding vows to renew
That is something I'd gladly now do
For if we could do it again I'd still choose you

The gift that's wrapped in tender affection
Within it a token of my love's expression
It now lies unopened, I guess it never will
Just like many of our dreams unfulfilled.

The card that's specially chosen for this day
Has so much of what I want to say
But now upon it's tear-soaked page
Run thoughts and feelings on a wild rampage

The bouquet of roses that was in my hand
Now covered with dust and unwelcome sand
'Twas meant for you to whom my heart I gave
It now lies wilted upon this silent grave

Two by two the world was meant to be
Or at least that is what the Ark tells me
It looks like now it's back to one
To complete the race so well you've run

Can there be joy in the midst of sadness?
In the midst of sorrow, gladness
Somehow for the future we must dare believe
In its hope we must continue to live

This day will always hold much meaning
Through time we await the needed healing
We remember the years gone by
It's time to celebrate and not to cry

We may be separated by this divide called time
We'll continue to celebrate this day sublime
Me here and you there above
Happy Anniversary my love

Mark Teh
5 October 2010

(Today is the 25th Anniversary of our Wedding. A few of our friends and family members gathered at the Fairy Memorial Park in Klang to place flowers at Kathryn's resting place to remember this occasion)

When a Motorbike Pulled Up

Two days ago, as I was about to start my car to move out from where it was parked after submitting some forms at the Government complex in Jalan Duta, a fifty-something year old Malay man pulled up on his motorcycle in front of me. He had two persons that appeared to be his wife and young son riding pillion with him. Initially I thought he wanted to ask for directions. Later his intentions became apparent to me. 'Sir, can you help me with some money,' he said in a mixture of Malay and English, 'I need to buy an inhaler that costs 26.50 ringgit for my son urgently and I don't have the money. My son is suffering from asthma. I went to the nearby mosque and there was no one there who could help me.'

In an instantaneous flashback, I remembered that Kathryn too suffered from asthma as a young child until her early teens. She managed to be free from it when she was in her teens. Instinctively, I reached for my wallet and pulled out 3 ten ringgit notes and gave to him. ''Sir, I don't know and I don't want to ask whether what you are asking for is out of genuine need or not, but because you asked me, and because I am a Christian, I'm giving it to you. God bless you." I replied him. He went away grateful, and I went away lifted up a little in my spirits. I felt happy. In the midst of sadness. For that moment.

I wish life would be as simple as that all the time. There was a need. You helped meet that need. Everyone felt happy. Maybe that might help us forget our sadness. For a while, at least.

Whispers of God

The counsel of God often comes to us in gentle whispers.
Never intrusive, never obtrusive,

Always leaves a moment for reflection and choice.
When I needed clarity of direction,

She would always be there to provide a gentle whisper.

Sometimes the obvious need not be the best
And the best need not be the obvious
However, it was those whispers that kept matters on an even keel.
They protected us from our own impetuosity.

Somehow, they managed to clear a muddled thought,
Provide enough light to take a step,
Little by little, moment by moment
Eventually we would find the way.

Comfort or assurance,
Counsel or rebuke,
It was always done in gentle whispers.
Looking back, I guess they must have been
The whispers of God.

Mark Teh
23 September 2010

Glimpses of You

GLIMPSES OF YOU

I see a glimpse of you
In every thoughtful deed
Someone kind enough
To offer another in need

I see a glimpse of you
In our children's eyes
They share the same aura
That no one can deny

I see a glimpse of you
When someone suffers pain
Knowing what you went through
Never once did you complain

I see a glimpse of you
When of you someone speaks
'A character par excellence,
Strong but yet gentle and meek'.

I see a glimpse of you
When I see the desk now empty
Where you used to work at
Your files they were aplenty

I see a glimpse of you
When love’s music plays our song
We were much in love
It's tunes we sang along

I see a glimpse of you
When I see the notes you wrote
With words that stood out
Your heart of love they denote

I see a glimpse of you
When a ray of light through heaven shines
That day when you I shall see again
The day for which my heart so pines

Mark Teh
20 September 2010

The Kopitiam

The Kopitiam

Saturday mornings were usually one time of the week we looked forward to because it was a time when we could get together with the kids for a leisurely breakfast and look back over the week gone by. As a family, we would talk about our joys and frustrations during the week and it meant a time of bonding with the kids as well.

Sometimes in the evenings, I would get Kathryn out just to spend some time with her or to discuss anything that was troubling and she would oblige all the time. It was those precious times that we could share our deepest thoughts or sometimes it was just plain bread and coffee time.

Some of our favourite joints were the many kopitiams (coffee shops) around the neighbourhood of Subang Jaya where we lived. Sometimes it was the more upmarket 'yuppy' corners and at other times it was the old traditional kopitiam 'hainan' style that we love to gather in. Other times were spent at the mamak stalls (food stalls generally run by Indians and Indian Muslims) where we dug into roti canai (a type of Indian flatbread eaten with curry) despite not feeling at all hungry. Like most times when we get to go out together it was not about the food nor the ambience but the time we could spend together and the fellowship that we had that meant a lot to us.

For Kathryn and me, the humble kopitiam was meant to be our place to hang out and relax even our greying years. We used to share about the things that we could do together even after the kids were grown and had families of their own. It was something I looked forward to continuing because it was a place of memories of family times and it has brought us so much bonding together as a family. It is now something that I will greatly miss doing with her.

These days I still take the kids out to the kopitiams whenever I can. They know that I needed these times to get away to gather my feelings and thoughts together. For me perhaps, the kopitiam is one place to put an anchor down in the sea of change that is taking place now.

Mark Teh
14 September 2010

A Place of the Heart

A PLACE OF THE HEART

There is a place of quiet retreat
A place sent from above
It is now a sanctuary
Reserved for you my love
A garden of communion
A treasure of memories
A place of the heart

Nurtured over the years
With utmost love and care
Along its familiar pathways we'd stroll
Away from the world and all its glare
A skip in our steps
A smile on our faces
A whisper into each other's ears

The soft caress of the gentle wind
Blowing teasingly upon our faces
The freshness of the flowers after the morning dew
With their fragrance they greet us
Refreshing
Invigorating
Healing

Watching idly the beauty of God's creation
We used to sit by the streams
We understood our deepest thoughts
We shared our greatest dreams
Ah! What bliss!
Not a single care in the world
Not a frown upon our foreheads

As I close my eyes now
I can see the pictures once again
A kaleidoscope of images
Never two the same
Ever changing with each turn of our lives
Ever so beautiful its formation
Ever so colourful their display

Where we used to go
Where we used to sit
What we liked to do
What we liked to eat
Just you and me,
It seemed meant to be
But alas, now it's just me

Looking across the thin veil that now separates us
I can almost touch you still
Talking with you, just looking at you
The warm embrace that still I feel
Our world stands still
Our hearts beating as one
Our minds at peace

Tears still flow freely
Just thinking about you
Feeling disconsolate,
Devastated, just to say a few
Weeping lasts for a moment, say some
Soon it will pass, it surely will
But when will morning come?

This is a place, no ordinary place,
Where time is a seamless dimension
Where everything is in transition
Where life and death has a different rendition
Longing for the past
Caught in the present
Thinking about the future

Our place of the heart
A watered garden it remains
Rest after a weary day
A deep contentment it retains
A place I'd always like to return to now
Our place away from this busy world
Just you and me

My love forever

Mark Teh
10 September 2010

This is the Day that the Lord Has Made

This is the Day that the Lord has made
(by Scott Wesley Brown)


This is the Day that the Lord has made
And I'm so glad He made you
With each rising sun you are here by my side
You are more than a dream come true
O to have you, to hold you, to love you, to pray,
To share with, to care with, to hold hands and say,
This is the day that the Lord has made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice, I will rejoice with you


This is the love that the Lord has made
That you and I we are one
Love's mystery is unfolding today
Written for us in the sun
O for better for worse, for rich or for poor
Each day that passes I'll love you more for
This is the day that the Lord has made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice, I will rejoice with you

This is the day...., this is the day.

(This is the day is the song that Mark sang at their wedding 25 years ago and now again at this wake service as a tribute to what Kathryn has meant all these years)

Tribute by Mark 2nd Night Wake Service, 3rd May 2010

Tribute by Mark

Dear friends, relatives and church members who are especially dear to Kathryn, I welcome you tonight.

We are here to celebrate the life and times of your friend and my dearest friend and partner-in-life, Kathryn Teoh Boon Kee.

I know that you share in our joys and our griefs.

Kathryn had been suffering from breast cancer since 2001. For most parts of the time she had been well until the middle of last year when she had complications in other areas. She had been in hospital for the last two weeks for an operation to remove fluid from her the lining of her lungs. When she went home to be with the Lord yesterday at 9.00 am, she was peaceful with all of her loved ones by her bedside. All throughout she didn't suffer any pain.

The last two weeks have been an occasion for many of you to have been personally and actively involved in taking care of Kathryn and standing with our family in this moment. You have freely offered your time, resources and support, some of you taking leave and many of you laid aside the immediate needs of your family to offer your help to us. For this we are consider ourselves truly blessed to have you.

From all of the friends and relatives that came yesterday and today, I see that Kathryn has touched so many of your lives.

It is not what we have accumulated that speaks of our greatest achievements but what we leave behind when we are no longer around. I can see that Kathryn has left so much of an impact in many of your lives that the memories will continue to linger on even long after we leave here.

I would like to share a glimpse of what Kathryn has been to me. First is a song that I sang at our wedding 25 years ago. This is the song entitled,

“THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE” by Scott Wesley Brown....

Kathryn had all the qualities you could ever ask for in a spouse. She has been my constant companion, my faithful counselor and my endearing friend. If you were to ask me would I marry her again if I had a second chance, I would reply with a resounding yes without any hesitation. Ours was a marriage made in heaven and I will truly miss her for all that she has meant to me and all of us.

She was my faithful counselor. Often we would journal our thoughts and would compare our journal to see what God was speaking to us.

We have been blessed with 3 wonderful children. In this short period of two weeks, I have seen our children grow up overnight. Melissa has taken on splendidly her place and responsibility as our firstborn. Pam and Darren too have grown.

Kathryn must have been loved by the many people whose lives she's touched over the years. All of you who are here and the flowers that we see are an eloquent testimony of how much she is loved. Just today one of her friends remarked that there are so many of her friends who are here to bid her farewell and there are many more who have gone on before who are waiting on heaven's shore to welcome her into the sweet presence of Jesus.

God has been faithful in granting the desires of her heart in particular prayers that she prayed. Many years ago, she had prayed for a good life partner and her conditions were that he must one who loves the Lord, must be a Hokkien and must come from the village clan of Eng Chun. The Lord must have loved her so much that he granted all the conditions. I guess the Lord must have felt that the only genuine Eng Chun clan must come from Klang. The Lord looked for someone from one Glad Tidings Church in Klang and the rest is history.

The second was the salvation of her family. Through her life, she had brought her sister and her mother to the Lord. Last Saturday, she slipped into unconsciousness for more than two hours and we were not sure whether she would come back. We told David, her brother how much she had been praying for him and her dad for such a long time to come to know the Lord. But now she didn't have the opportunity to tell them personally. We spent some time praying and amazingly, shortly after she woke up suddenly and the first thing she wanted to do was to call for David. She then led her brother in a prayer of commitment to the Lord. After that she called for her dad and did the same. Only after that did she feel that her mission was complete.

To my Dad and Mum-in-law, 52 years ago, God entrusted someone whom you named as Boon Kee into your care. You took care of her and loved her. About 25 years ago you entrusted Boon Kee or Kathryn into my care. I have done my part on loving and caring for her. Now I am releasing back to God's arms the Kathryn that you and I love, comforted by the knowledge that she is now more loved and cared for by our heavenly Father.

I wish to thank and acknowledge the people who are here and those who have come earlier:

Members of Kathryn's family and relatives
Members of my family and relatives
My father-in-law's relatives, friends and business associates
The Overcomers Group, Kathryn’s friends from teenage years
Members of Glad Tidings Klang
Members and friends from :
Glad Tidings Petaling Jaya,
Damansara Utama Methodist Church,
SIB Church Kuala Lumpur,
Grace Assembly Subang Jaya,
Grace Assembly Petaling Jaya,
Grace Assembly, Port Klang,
Full Gospel Assembly, USJ
Community Baptist Church, Kota Damansara,
Acts Church, Subang Jaya
Pastor Philip Sung from Bethel Church Melaka
Kathryn's Assuntarian classmates
My Ex-colleagues from Public Bank
My School mates from High School Klang
Kathryn's ex-colleagues from KPMG Group
Kathryn's friends from CCH Tax Publication
Friends from the USJ 4 Secondary School Parent Teachers Association
Special thanks to William Wong, our dear friend from Australia
Peter and Vivien Lee, Kathryn’s cousins from Singapore
Lay Sim, Kathryn’s cousin who rescheduled a flight from Vietnam to be here

To all of us here, I wish to say that Kathryn has lived and she has lived well. I want to share with you the words that Kathryn would have wanted to tell all of us tonight. The verse taken from Psalm 118:17 – In the Message translation it reads,

“I didn't die. I lived. And now I'm telling the world what God did”.

God Bless all of you.

Eulogy by Pam 2nd Night Wake Service, 3 May 2010

Dear ma,

You made it! God has been good, to you, to all of us. He is faithful and loving.

No words can fully express or describe how I'm feeling right now but I'll just say what's on my heart.

Firstly, I want to thank you. For everything that you are, for everything that you have done in my life. It's because of you that I am, who I am today. Indeed you have inspired me and I bet many many others, countless of times, over and over again with your faith and strength. Take a peek down to earth from heaven and look all around ma. These are the people who love and care for you, just as you have loved and cared for them, in one way or another. You have been such a blessing to all of us.

As much as all of us wanted you to stay, and I know you wanted too, we were willing to let you go, cause we knew that you would be at a better place. God wanted to reward you after you had fought for so long. I hope you're enjoying heaven ; a place with no suffering. There's no place for grief or sorrow knowing that you are somewhere up there, happy.

You are such a gem ma, you really are. You have taught me to smile at the storm and still praise God no matter what, no matter what.

These past few months caring for you were the best times I had ever spent with you. Just serving you and making sure you were okay made me happy.

5-1=5

Though we do not have you right here physically with us, know that you will always remain in our heart, forever.

We all love you, ma.

(Pamela is our second daughter)

Msg from Kath Shaw, New Zealand

Dear Mark and family

Margaret has told me about the passing of your dear wife Kathryn. I have been thinking of you and praying for you in this season of grief. It is hard to believe that Kathryn is not around on earth any more, but a comfort to know she is alive and well, enjoying heaven and that we shall see her again.

I remember with joy the times I spent with Kathryn sharing our desire to see the sick totally healed. We were both searching for the answers to the problem of pain and sickness. Kathryn lent me the set of CDs from a conference she attended in KL and also the book “The More Excellent Way”. Kathryn gave me copies of the tapes and later I purchased the book for myself. There are keys to healing and health in the book and the tapes.

Two friends who are also searching for answers borrowed the tapes and the book. These friends are now inspired to learn more and are planning to attend a similar conference in the USA believing that one day they will become involved in healing ministry here in Christchurch, so the influence of Kathryn continues in the area of health and wholeness.

Meanwhile I pray that the comfort of the Holy Spirit and the love of Jesus will carry you through the days ahead. May God bless you.

Yours with the love of Jesus
Kath

10 September 2010

(Kath Shaw is a retired missionary from Christchurch, New Zealand. Kath has visited and stayed with Mark and Kathryn at their home on several occasions when she visits Malaysia. Kath is also a good friend of Kang Hoe and Margaret and visits Glad Tidings Klang when she is in Malaysia)