On This Side of Heaven

ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN

It is so empty on this side of heaven
My heart longs for you my love
Never before has anyone touched my heart like you have
If these words could but reach your side of heaven
You will know how much you are loved

It is so painful on this side of heaven
My heart aches for you my love
Never before has anyone filled my life like you have
If these cries could but resound in your side of heaven
You will know how much you are missed

It is so quiet on this side of heaven
My hearts yearns to hear your voice my love
Never before has anyone warmed my heart like you have
If these sighs could but find your side of heaven
You will know how much you are cherished

It is so dim on this side of heaven
My heart is searching for you my love
Never before has my life been brightened up as such
If these eyes could but see your side of heaven
You will know how much you are sought

It is so lonely on this side of heaven
My hearts longs for your company my love
Never before has anyone been with me like you have
If these hands could but touch your side of heaven
You will know how much you are needed

Message from Nikki, Taiwan

Why the pain?
I have to confess - I did ask "Lord, why did Kathryn have to go through such pain?"

We are told we are earthen vessels bearing the Light.
And someone said God puts cracks on it to show His Light.
We have to be shattered by trials, tribulations and pain to become true vessels.

2Cor2:14 says - 'But thanks be to God, who always leads us in His triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place."

It's so with Kathryn I think.
The Light shone through the cracks in her life.
God was so confident in her - He shattered her and His Light really shone and the fragrance of Him was strong.

Dear Mark, do continue to trust.
Note it says : ALWAYS leads us in HIS TRIUMPH.
Trust God. Give thanks. Even in the wilderness.

Keeping you and the children in prayer.

From Nikki, Taiwan.

24 August 2010

Taking Time to Meet a Need

'This day you will be with me in paradise', Jesus said to the thief hanging on the cross beside him as He himself hung dying.

He had no thoughts of His own agony and pain as He Himself hung there on His cross dying. There was no place for self-pity, bitterness. He was there to fulfil His Father's will. He did not reject nor slight the thief that came to Him even when He was suffering at the last moments of His life. Jesus took time to show him the way back to God.

'Can't you see I have enough problems of my own?' This is what we might say or think to ourselves when someone seeks our help in times when we ourselves are in dire need of help. No, Jesus didn't turn him away. Neither did He look the other way. He took time to meet his need.

Kathryn took time to pray for Mabel her cousin from Singapore as she laid critically ill in the hospital. She mustered enough strength to lift up her hand to pray for Mabel's missions trip to visit an orphanage in India. There was no complaint of what she was going through. She took time to remember and celebrate my birthday in the hospital even as she was struggling with her condition. She took time to lead her brother and father to the Lord in her stricken condition. Even at her funeral wake, three persons gave their hearts to God.

We are called to serve and to meet a need even up to the last moments of our life. Just the other day someone came up to me and said, 'I dreamt of Kathryn last night, she looked very happy. Kathryn asked about my sister-in-law and whether she could talk to her about Christ'. Even in death she was still ministering.

Let's take the time to meet another's need.

Msg from Lilian Jansen, Singapore

Hi Mark,

We r all sent 2 teach others what Jesus has taught us abt how 2 live, how 2 love, how 2 leave the world, better than what it was when we got here. Kat was a beautiful example 4 us 2 emulate. I learnt much from her. N stil basking in rememberance of her goodness n love n perseverance 2 d end in great faith.

Take care Mark. Hope u r keepg well.

Gbu all.

Lilian jansen frm sgp.

(Lilian Jansen has been a close friend and stayed in the same neighbourhood. She recently relocated back to Singapore but still keeps in touch and frequently returns to Malaysia)

Msg from Nicky, USA

With exams starting tomorrow, the images and memories of Aunty Kat appeared through my mind and tears started rolling down my cheeks continuously. I can still remember how she would call and text me without fail before any exams that i have such as spm, driving test and everything that i go through in my life.

She was nearly another mother to me, checking up on me on how i am doing on my studies and everything in my life. Her death till now is a shock to me, seeing her how weak she was but she still made it for my farewell. Giving her that last goodbye hug before leaving was something that will always be in my mind and how she would try to put a smile on her face no matter how much pain she goes through makes her a woman of real strong at heart.

It only seemed like yesterday when all of us celebrated her birthday at 3K with a Grease theme and putting up a performance for her. How i got to know of her passing was a real shocker, as i was about to call my parents to tell them about the good news on how i succeeded in my exams for the first time obtaining a dean list, but right before i called my parents i saw the messages going out to Aunty Kat. I straight away called my mum at 5.30 am, crying and asking my mum about what happened. I could not help but not control myself.

No matter how much she goes through in her life fighting her sickness, there was never once i heard of her giving up but instead she would go all out for the Lord and continue preaching the word and supporting others who are in her shoes. With all that she has gone through, how she led her life is and never will go to waste but will be used as an example to others on how we should lead our life through trials in life and suffering.

Her life on this earth is not wasted and so is her work on this earth is not wasted. Her life story is something that no others can compare to.

I want to thank Aunty Kat, Uncle Mark and the whole family who have been there for me and my family all these years. With them helping us in our Foundation class and helping our family grow closer to God each time.

Nicky

(Nick is the eldest son of Kok Meng and Jenny Cheam, both members of the Subang Jaya cell together with Mark and Kathryn. Nick is now studying in the US pursuing a degree in aeronautical engineering)

Don't Cry For Me

DON'T CRY FOR ME

Allow me time to weep
Give me space to grieve
The spring of joy has but for now become a well of tears.
My soul goes wandering to find itself again

Friends are here but for a time,
Soon they will go their separate ways
But tears instead have been my constant companion
Together with memories tenaciously they cling to me.

The emptiness that comes with grief
Just adds to the pain and loss we feel
My heart may be broken now
In time it will heal by God's grace

But my spirit, broken never let it be
For with it I must rise up in time to come
Carried up on wings of grace
Transcending this present storm

'Don't cry for me, Argentina
The truth is I never left you. '
Such goes the lyrics of the famous song
It's strange they mean so much now

In truth even though you're not here
You have never left us, my love
You'll always remain in our hearts
Your memory eternally etched in our minds.

Our hearts still weep
Even though time may pass
In the quietness of the night
Hear now the cry of this broken heart.

The Ice Cream Shop

We used to go for ice cream at some of the boutique ice cream parlours that we see today. In the early days I can remember there was only Swensen's at Damansara Jaya and Section 14 in Petaling Jaya. During our courtship days, we used to hang out at these places occasionally after dinner. Simple as it was, times like these were very refreshing as was the ice cream. We thoroughly enjoyed the times we spent together in conversation as well as just being together.

When the children came along there was hardly time for these getaways with the increasing responsibilities of work and parenthood. Swensen's closed during the recession years. When the children were a bit more grown up, we did take them out to the other newer outlets like Baskin Robbins and Haagen Daz that sprouted up as the economy improved and the people's lifestyle changed. Swensen's later re-entered the market.

During a recent visit to one of the Swensen's outlets at Subang Jaya with Pam and Darren, my two younger children, it didn't feel the same any more. The ice cream tasted the same. The atmosphere was different. No longer was she there to warm up the atmosphere. The ice cream felt cold as did the place. The ambience appeared subdued. No more the laughter from stories we shared. We reminisced about the good times. We really missed her.

Tribute by Mona Teoh, 1st Night Wake Service, 2 May 2010

My dearest sister Boon Kee is my one and only sister, and I love her dearly. Throughout our journey in life together, we hardly have any disputes. That is because my sister is a kind person that would give her all, her best to anyone whom the Lord brings along her way.

When I was 12 years old, my sister came home all excited to share Christ with me. The day she accepted Jesus Christ as her personal Lord and Savior, was the day she led me to Christ.

My beloved sister role modeled the Lord Jesus Christ; by her love for people, her care for the elders, and her kindness reaches out to touch many lives.

I remembered in the year 2001, when she was diagnosed of breast cancer. Instead of giving her a comforting word and a shoulder to cry on, I cried. In return, she encouraged me with these words “Don’t be sad.” What a courageous sister! What a caring sister! Always thinking of others more than herself. Through the years of watching her, jumping from one hurdle to another, I saw her steadfastness in her faith. I was then very much challenged to grow in my own faith.

My dear sister may not say many things about her struggles, but the strength that is in her goes beyond, and I know God is surely doing a great work in her life. I hardly hear her complaining but always professing that God is good.

A month back, Boon Kee texted me to ask whether I have cell meeting. If not, she wanted me to go by to worship with her again, for she enjoyed the worship we had together the last time. My lovely sister is a true worshipper of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I am absolutely proud of her life and I’m also very proud to have a sister like her. She impacted so many lives, near and far. I am thankful to God for blessing me with such a wonderful sister who is full of love, care, grace, kindness, generosity. . .

“I LOVE YOU MY DEAREST SISTER. I AM GOING TO MISS YOU.”

Eulogy by Melissa,

My Mom the Only One

Too many things I would like to mention about my dear mom,
None enough to give her credit for.
For those who did not know her well,
I wished you did,
Because she is a special one.
There's so many what ifs and could haves,
Some things I wish I'd done differently.
A lot of words I've left unsaid,
Fearing I would have to say goodbye.

But one thing's for sure,
I know she's in a better place.
And the Lord loved her too much to let her stay,
Much to our dismay.
Selfless in all her ways,
She thought about us till her last breath,
Even when it pained her to death.

Mom was one whom everyone loved, and still loves,
The young, the old alike.
She need not say it in many words,
Her posture carried her every worth.
A woman of faith so great it's contagious,
True to her word, she walked with integrity.

She was a fighter.
When our faith and hope wearied thin,
She encouraged us to stay strong, have faith and fight!
Truly from her we drew our strength and inspiration,
"God is holding my right hand," she said,
And we believed, till the very end.

God in all His mystery,
We can never comprehend His ways.
All we can do is hold steadfast to His unfailing love,
And trust that He will guide us each step of the way.

From the bottom of our hearts, we thank God for family and friends who supported us,
Lending a hand tirelessly,
We have been blessed.
Through it all,
God has brought our family together, tighter than ever,
Ready to carry the legacy she left for us forever.

(Melissa is our eldest daughter)

Eulogy by Tian Hooi, 1st Night Wake Service, 2 May 2010

Well, sitting down and listening to all d wonderful things that people have been sharing re Kathryn, I looked back over the years and started counting the no. of yrs I've known her..... Then I recalled last year when we were sharing our dreams, plans, concerns etc etc she told me that she'll make it for her 25th silver wedding anniversary. We laughed and I assured her that, yes, she'll b able to celebrate dat! There4 I've known her close to 25 years.

2day I wan to stand here to share with u all how I re-connected with this wonderful lady these past 2 1/2 years. We were in the midst of setting up a cancer support grp in SIB and I rang her to "come on board" with me and b my core member. She agreed and was one of our best pillar thru these 2-3 years. I came out of the ministry after it was set up a year later but she soldiered on faithfully. She was such a tireless worker and many cancer patients were blessed to know her all these while. Even when she was beginning to b less well, she was still doing the work. I had to tell her to stop othw she wld just "soldier on".

I wan to share her last moments with me @Sjmc - a week ago when I visited her. I walked in to her room 419 @815pm and I was asked to leave her since she just woke up frm her unconscious state. Apparently couple of hours ago, they thought she had left.....

I felt I wanted to spend sum time with her n I chose to stay. Oni her mum n I were in d room. I sang "we place u on the highest place, for u r the great high priest, we place u high above all else, and we come to u and worship @ur feet!!" a few times, AND suddenly her eyes opened. I asked her whether she remembers me or not - and she flashed me her big smile and say "YES"! She said she was feeling hot n sweaty - me n her mum took out d blanket, sweater n turn up d air cond. After making her comfortable, I asked her to relate to me what happened.

This is what she shared - I felt I was out of my body looking down..... I felt very well and whole! It's been a while since I feel like dat but I feel if I said this, no one will believe me! Then I heard my children crying, a lot of noise/commotion and Mark (my husb) calling me to wake up. He was v persistent. I wanted to close my eyes and drift off but he kept calling me...... Finally I opened my eyes and every1 was so happy.

I told Kathryn it's been a while since she last spoke to me (without being breathless cuz the last few times, she had to write down her replies to me - cuz cancer has affected her lungs). She was very audible and I did not have to strain my ears to hear her. It was so good to hear she's well and I told her she must be tired - so I prayed for her - IN CHRIST she is now a new creation. She amen dat and I left the room not knowing when I'll see her again altho I did say she shld spend her time with her immediate loved ones, Mark, the kids, her parents, siblings etc.

On Sunday 2May2010 I got d news of her passing on whilst @service in SIB. I knew she had gone to a better place and I know she has become whole (totally), no more pain, sickness...... I know I'll see her again. And when I see her - I'll ask her the same Q - "hey, u remember me??" :)

Finally I was searching for a verse to describe her life - it sums it all :
1 John 2:17 "the world and its desires pass away but the woman who does the will of God LIVES FOREVER". Yeah, Kathryn lives not just in our hearts, memories, thoughts BUT she lives and one day we will meet her again.

Thank u for allowing me to share her journey.....

(Tian Hooi and her husband Swee Keong are long time friends of Mark and Kathryn. Both of them now worship at SIB KL)

Eulogy by Quah Poh Keat, 1st Wake Service, 2 May 2010

I have known Boon Kee for over 25 years. During this time I have found her to be an effective role model and a beacon of light in the marketplace.It is easier to shine as a Christian in the church and much more difficult to live out our Christian principles in the marketplace.

Boon Kee's consistency truly identifies her as an ambassador for Christ in the marketplace which I believe our Lord Jesus is proud of.Boon Kee played her role well as she is gentle in spirit and caring towards her staff working under her seeking the best for them and is a team player with everyone.At the same time she is understanding and committed to the goals of the business. She has excelled well and she will certainly rank as among the best I have worked with. It was always a pleasure seeing her at work.

Not long after she has been diagnosed with cancer her selfless nature showed through as she reached out to those who suffered from cancer. I have referred a number of friends to her. She not only will call them up but will also visit them bringing hope and cheer to those who were frightened and confused in what they were going through. Each ocassion she sees it as an opportunity to serve and she gave of herself joyfully.

I will miss her and her cheerful disposition.


Thank you Mark for sharing Boon Kee with us and the opportunity for me to pen a few words.

Regards and God bless
Poh Keat

(Poh Keat and Kathryn were colleagues when Kathryn was in KPMG many years back. Both Poh Keat and his wife, Beng Choo, have remained good friends of Mark and Kathryn over the years)

Pastor Christine Phang's Message, 1st Night Wake Service. 2nd May 2010

I have only known Kathryn for less than a year and even in that short time, I have come to realise how special she is. I was learning to live in Malaysia again after spending 16 years in Africa - she took me shopping and even got me a good deal on a blender - she bought it for me! Whenever I preached, she would send me a text and told me what a good job I did. She was a great encourager.

Tonight as we gather here, the presence of so many friends, family and relatives is a testimony of kust how special Kathryn is.

I Cor 13:7 personifies Kathryn for me - Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, endures through every circumstance.

In the heat of the battle, Kathryn fought, bravely. She never for a moment lost her faith, is always hopeful and endured through every circumstance,

She was a brave soldier. The last time I saw her, my husband was ministering to her. As he sat beside her and worshipped the Lord, she quietly lifted her hands and worshipped with him. The song he sang was ;
Ascribe greatness to our God the Rock
His works are perfect and all His ways are just
A God of faithfulness and without injustice
Good and upright is He.

Even when the battle rages on, and the going is tough, when circumstances around her defies her understanding - she chose to worship the God she knows with all her strength. What an example she is to us today. Kathryn's message to us today, her fellow soldiers -
When the battle rages, fight with dignity, grace, courage, humility with a quiet confidence in a faithful God.

As much as we grieve our loss of her tonight, she is now with the Savior whom she loves and worshipped. Tonight, away from us in bod, but found in God's presence, I can imagine Kathryn singing and worshipping with the same song, no longer weak, breathless and frail, but with the loudest possible voice at the top of her lungs!

Kathryn also brought us the best in us - she brought out the best in Mark. In the days where marriages are challenged, Mark showed us what a committed marriage looked like. Mark is so faithful, committed and loving to Kathryn. She brought it out of Mark. She brought the best out of us as a church - as we learn to serve unconditionally, selflessly and sacrificially.

Finally,I will not do Kathryn or you justice, if I do not give you an opportunity to know this Jesus whom she loves so much. She would want me to tell you that He is real and you need to know him.

(Pastor Christine Phang is the wife of Pastor Tony Phang, the Senior Pastor of the church at Glad Tidings Assembly Klang, where Mark and Kathryn attend)

Shades of Grey

SHADES OF GREY

Life has taken on shades of grey and blue
For without you even colour has lost its lovely hue
What is so easy to take for granted
Till it’s gone, we don’t know how much it’s wanted.

Before spring could get into its full bloom
Autumn has taken its place too soon
Winter too will soon impose
Trees its branches bare to expose

The trees will soon stand as silhouette
Against the ashen sky the scene is set
Much as they try, they cannot show
The vibrance of spring, with all its colours in tow

The soul now emptied of a love so dear
Shows a barrenness because you’re no longer near
The contented spirit that once was here
Now caught in a storm tossed sea we fear

Gone the colour of love in red
A deep purple now rules instead
Purple is for courage they'd often say
But red is what I'd still choose if I may

The flicker of a candle glowing at dusk
Its flames to keep alight it surely must
The room stays alive with its colours bright
Such is the effect of that small light

Gone now that flicker, why, O why?
The room now looks like the evening sky.
Devoid of warmth, it soon gets cold
The approaching night, its scenes to unfold

O when will colours ever again we see?
When the Dawn comes, just maybe
Till then I guess, we must persevere
Waiting for it you will see me here.

Dear God

Pam and Darren, my two younger children, had picked up some DVDs at a video shop a few days ago. These days, sometimes we would spend time together watching a video after they had done their hours of school work. One of the DVDs that we started on was entitled, 'Letters to God'.

The story was about a young boy who was stricken with brain tumour and how he was learning to cope with it. He wrote letters beginning with 'Dear God' as he described his experiences and his journey. He used to mail all his 'Dear God' letters through the postman that came to deliver the mail each day.

The local post office was in a quandry trying to figure out what to do with these letters. I didn't finish the show but I guess the idea of letters to God sort of stuck in my mind. It makes you wonder sometimes whether our 'Dear God' prayers get stuck in some intermediary post office somewhere and don't get sent to heaven.

Many times both Kathryn and I have written letters to God as we penned down our thoughts in our journal throughout the course of our journey in recent years. I guess my recent letters to God might sound something like this:

"Dear God,
Why did Kathryn have to die? Why was she taken from me and our children when we needed her most?

Dear God, is it ok if I feel that you have let us down. Is it alright for me to tell you that we find it difficult to praise You just now? Next to Jesus, she was the precious gift that we ever had. But now she's gone.

Dear God,
Do you see the scars in our hearts,
Deep with the wound from her dying?

Do you not care how we struggle each day
as we pick up the pieces
Just to keep things going?

Dear God,
Do you not see the circles that we keep going around in? No matter how much we try
Our thoughts keep going back to memories of her

Do you not see our spirits
Bent low at times because of the pain we feel in our hearts?
Do you not see the tears that never seem to stop?

Do you not hear the cries of a broken heart.
In need of tender comforting assurance?

Do you not feel the loss we feel
Even now when we are feeling a bit lost?

Dear God, can you come and mend this broken heart?

Signed,
Just me.

Courage Under Fire

I saw a movie on television today entitled, "Courage under Fire", a poignant story about the courage and bravery of an American woman helicopter pilot in the Iraq war who was posthumously awarded an equivalent to a Medal of Honour for her part in helping to rescue a platoon of stranded and outnumbered American soldiers from the battlefield but was herself fatally wounded in the course of duty.

This story of courage reminds me of the courage and steadfastness of Kathryn in confronting the challenges she was facing. She never flinched even when her life was in danger. One of my disturbing thoughts was whether she was under any severe pain during the last stages of her disease. My own impression was that if she was under any severe pain, it was only intermittent and at various points of the last few months and not throughout the entire period. There was a time when she felt excruciating pain when the thigh bones were badly affected. But we managed to work through that and it soon passed. We often talked about her condition and how she felt. On most occasions she said it was bearable. We were asked several times by Hospis care persons whether we needed morphine or any other pain killer but each time she didn't feel it necessary. The strongest pain killer she took occasionally was some panadols or very mild painkillers that Hospis provided and even then only when absolutely necessary.

Jenny one of our cell members mentioned recently that there were occasions when she was with her, she saw Kathryn rubbing her body in some areas as though she was trying to get rid of or alleviate the pain she had. If she had been under any severe pain, she was very good at hiding it from me because she didn't want me or the others to be troubled. She had always had a high tolerance for pain.

It was like the woman helicopter pilot who despite being fatally wounded and laid dying, selflessly provided fire cover so that her comrades could escape from the combat zone to safety. Even when she was not well, Kathryn faithfully visited and counselled others who were sick and dying. During the last stretch of her life even as she was fighting for her life, Kathryn's thoughts were for those she loved and not for her own life. Such was an extraordinary example of courage and bravery. It was not only courage under fire but also courage tested by fire.

Lost

My tears kept rolling uncontrollably, I took my car for service near your place and had to wait for the technician to assess the situation. I called your house and there was no reply. I was suddenly lost as to what to do and where else to go. Whilst waiting, I reminisce the days that I would drop by just to 'kill time' and we would have our chit chat followed by makan makan. Friend, you knew me too well and would offer me your car to ronda knowing how I can't sit still for too long. Time has passed but the pain of losing you is still hard for me and I am sure to a lot of other friends. Memories of times spent together is precious and I will always cherish the good old days.

Jenny Cheam