Courage Under Fire

I saw a movie on television today entitled, "Courage under Fire", a poignant story about the courage and bravery of an American woman helicopter pilot in the Iraq war who was posthumously awarded an equivalent to a Medal of Honour for her part in helping to rescue a platoon of stranded and outnumbered American soldiers from the battlefield but was herself fatally wounded in the course of duty.

This story of courage reminds me of the courage and steadfastness of Kathryn in confronting the challenges she was facing. She never flinched even when her life was in danger. One of my disturbing thoughts was whether she was under any severe pain during the last stages of her disease. My own impression was that if she was under any severe pain, it was only intermittent and at various points of the last few months and not throughout the entire period. There was a time when she felt excruciating pain when the thigh bones were badly affected. But we managed to work through that and it soon passed. We often talked about her condition and how she felt. On most occasions she said it was bearable. We were asked several times by Hospis care persons whether we needed morphine or any other pain killer but each time she didn't feel it necessary. The strongest pain killer she took occasionally was some panadols or very mild painkillers that Hospis provided and even then only when absolutely necessary.

Jenny one of our cell members mentioned recently that there were occasions when she was with her, she saw Kathryn rubbing her body in some areas as though she was trying to get rid of or alleviate the pain she had. If she had been under any severe pain, she was very good at hiding it from me because she didn't want me or the others to be troubled. She had always had a high tolerance for pain.

It was like the woman helicopter pilot who despite being fatally wounded and laid dying, selflessly provided fire cover so that her comrades could escape from the combat zone to safety. Even when she was not well, Kathryn faithfully visited and counselled others who were sick and dying. During the last stretch of her life even as she was fighting for her life, Kathryn's thoughts were for those she loved and not for her own life. Such was an extraordinary example of courage and bravery. It was not only courage under fire but also courage tested by fire.