Grief

Dear friends,

It is one month after Kathryn's passing. I realise that some of you who have known Kathryn closely enough may also be grieving quietly together with my family. This is especially true for those who have been taking care of her and those who share many wonderful memories of moments spent with her especially toward the last few months or years of her life.

Words cannot adequately describe my deepest appreciation for all that you have been to me and my family. I know you will miss the familiar call or sms, the occasional meal together, the warm and disarming smile, that understanding heart. At a moment's call, I know you would have been there to attend to her needs. And you know that at a moment's call, she would have done the same for you or someone else's needs. Only this time, you know she will not be there. An empty silence awaits us.

I was planning to touch on this area in my writings later but I realise that maybe it is good to talk just a little about this now. This is not an easy subject to talk about, not especially when our emotions are still hurting. Maybe it is during times like this, that we can best describe what we feel in our hearts.

We are still in a daze trying to grapple with the depth of the loss in our grief and the pain that comes with it. Some of you just like me may wander aimlessly for a while either in our mind or physically trying to process and come to terms with what has happened.

We may weep quietly in our hearts or scream at the top of our lungs internally. For me, the time for grieving is often alone usually when I am driving or late at night, because other times have been busy clearing earthly matters. Sometimes it may be just tears welling up at the corner of my eyes, sometimes it's just groaning.

I wonder often whether Jesus understands grief the way we are experiencing now. In my mind I know he does. That Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus may speak volumes about his humanity but it doesn’t do much to soothe the pain that we feel now, at least not for now.

We search the breadth of our own individual universe for an answer. I do not have the answers. Not yet anyway, maybe never eventually. I guess our all our ‘why's’ are usually met with silence. 'Why is that so?' we ask. Maybe the answer is in a word, 'faith'. The Bible calls it the lifestyle of the just. I guess we all need that extra bit of grace to embrace it, especially now.

Just taking one step at a time,

Mark.





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